Here lately I have been VERY emotional. It's kinda starting to scare me. I'll go back to when I first started to notice it...
Sunday; May 9Th, 2010 -Mother's Day
On Mother's Day we didn't have church on Sunday night so everyone could spend time with their Mom. Naturally, I invited my boyfriend to come with me to my Nana's house to eat dinner. And of course, he couldn't come. I mean, it was Mother's Day. Hello. Anyway, I was all upset that he couldn't come. I didn't cry or anything but I was still upset because I usually only get to see him once a week since we live an hour apart, and the one day I get to see him, I only got to spend a few hours with him. But, I lived. I texted him all day since I was having withdraws.
Later that day...
After we got to my Nana's house we were all sitting down eating dinner and I suddenly realized that I was the only girl/lady/woman (whatever you wanna say) there who wasn't a mother. And that, of course, made me sad. I know what you're thinking. You're only 16, why are you thinking about that? My answer is simple: I'm a girl. I have maternal instincts. I LOVE kids and hope to have a few of my own in the future. No, I'm not gonna run off and have a baby just so I can be a mom. I can wait. it just made me kinda sad.
A few hours later...
My Nana brings out this DVD of some pictures/video of part of our family. Mostly of my Poppa's family. (His parents, siblings, and cousins.) Usually I can handle stuff like that but today I was just all torn apart. As it started playing and I saw all of these people from my family who I had never had the chance to meet, tears started welling up in my eyes. Thankfully I held them back ( really don't like to cry in front of people.) I mean, c'mon! I didn't even know these people and I almost cried!
Wednesday; May 19, 2010
Last Friday I went to Mkays and had traded some stuff in so I could get some money. I had been dying to read the book The Last Song. I had looked for it there a few weeks ago but couldn't find a paperback and I refused o buy the $13 hardback. That day mom came up to me and handed me a PAPERBACK version of the book. i was SOOO happy! It was like $7 which was awesome! I started reading it as soon as I got in the car. At first it didn't really spark my interest but later that week I got really into it. I was reading atleast 100 pages a day. (It had 400 something pages.) So yesterday I was finally getting to the end -the good parts. I was laying out on my front porch getting some sun and finishing up the book when all-of-the-sudden I noticed myself start to cry. The last few chapters of the book made me cry so hard I couldn't breathe through my nose. It was pretty traumatic. But, the book was REALLYYY good. I can't wait to see the movie!
Later on that night...
My boyfriend always calls me around 8:00 at night after he gets off work. So I wasn't surprised when he called. Our conversation started off like usual. How was your day? and stuff like that. "I have something I really need to tell you," he said. And immediately my mind started racing. What did I do? What's wrong? Who died? Is he in trouble?
"What is it?? Is it bad??" i asked.
"Well, it just depends on how you take it," he replied.
I hated when he said anything like this to me. "Okay, what is it? Just tell me."
"I won't be at church Sunday morning."
I was devastated. Ever since we started going there he was there, by my side every waking moment. Even when we weren't dating.
"Okay," I said. I noticed the break in my voice and he did too. Dangit.
"Please don't cry, baby."
I didn't say anything as I layed there and began to cry. He sat there in silence and I could tell he was trying to think of what to say.
"It'll be okay, I'll see you that night..."
"It's not fair," I said, breaking into more tears, "I only get to see you once a week and the one day I do, you won't be there! It just isn't fair!"
As I sat there and cried he tried to comfort me. I put on a happy face for him because he says he can't ever sleep if he knows I'm upset. So i put on a fake happy face and changed the subject.
"You promise you're okay?" he asked.
"I'll be fine."
As we said our goodbyes and hung up the phone , reality set in and I began to cry again. I won't tell him because I know he'll worry about me the whole time he's gone. I might tell him after, or I might not. We'll see.
I'm sure I can live a few hours without him... but it'll be hard. I've never spent a Sunday morning without him. We always sit upstairs while I drink my coffee and we talk while we watch my brother and our friend Devin play pool. I'll miss him, but he'll be back soon. I just need to be slapped. I'll be fine. I think...
Anyway, see how emotional I've been lately? It scares me. I'm sure it's just a phase or something but I figured I'd blog about it just so I could have somewhere to vent about it.
I'll be fine...
Peace, love, and coffee.
*Hales
Sunday; May 9Th, 2010 -Mother's Day
On Mother's Day we didn't have church on Sunday night so everyone could spend time with their Mom. Naturally, I invited my boyfriend to come with me to my Nana's house to eat dinner. And of course, he couldn't come. I mean, it was Mother's Day. Hello. Anyway, I was all upset that he couldn't come. I didn't cry or anything but I was still upset because I usually only get to see him once a week since we live an hour apart, and the one day I get to see him, I only got to spend a few hours with him. But, I lived. I texted him all day since I was having withdraws.
Later that day...
After we got to my Nana's house we were all sitting down eating dinner and I suddenly realized that I was the only girl/lady/woman (whatever you wanna say) there who wasn't a mother. And that, of course, made me sad. I know what you're thinking. You're only 16, why are you thinking about that? My answer is simple: I'm a girl. I have maternal instincts. I LOVE kids and hope to have a few of my own in the future. No, I'm not gonna run off and have a baby just so I can be a mom. I can wait. it just made me kinda sad.
A few hours later...
My Nana brings out this DVD of some pictures/video of part of our family. Mostly of my Poppa's family. (His parents, siblings, and cousins.) Usually I can handle stuff like that but today I was just all torn apart. As it started playing and I saw all of these people from my family who I had never had the chance to meet, tears started welling up in my eyes. Thankfully I held them back ( really don't like to cry in front of people.) I mean, c'mon! I didn't even know these people and I almost cried!
Wednesday; May 19, 2010
Last Friday I went to Mkays and had traded some stuff in so I could get some money. I had been dying to read the book The Last Song. I had looked for it there a few weeks ago but couldn't find a paperback and I refused o buy the $13 hardback. That day mom came up to me and handed me a PAPERBACK version of the book. i was SOOO happy! It was like $7 which was awesome! I started reading it as soon as I got in the car. At first it didn't really spark my interest but later that week I got really into it. I was reading atleast 100 pages a day. (It had 400 something pages.) So yesterday I was finally getting to the end -the good parts. I was laying out on my front porch getting some sun and finishing up the book when all-of-the-sudden I noticed myself start to cry. The last few chapters of the book made me cry so hard I couldn't breathe through my nose. It was pretty traumatic. But, the book was REALLYYY good. I can't wait to see the movie!
Later on that night...
My boyfriend always calls me around 8:00 at night after he gets off work. So I wasn't surprised when he called. Our conversation started off like usual. How was your day? and stuff like that. "I have something I really need to tell you," he said. And immediately my mind started racing. What did I do? What's wrong? Who died? Is he in trouble?
"What is it?? Is it bad??" i asked.
"Well, it just depends on how you take it," he replied.
I hated when he said anything like this to me. "Okay, what is it? Just tell me."
"I won't be at church Sunday morning."
I was devastated. Ever since we started going there he was there, by my side every waking moment. Even when we weren't dating.
"Okay," I said. I noticed the break in my voice and he did too. Dangit.
"Please don't cry, baby."
I didn't say anything as I layed there and began to cry. He sat there in silence and I could tell he was trying to think of what to say.
"It'll be okay, I'll see you that night..."
"It's not fair," I said, breaking into more tears, "I only get to see you once a week and the one day I do, you won't be there! It just isn't fair!"
As I sat there and cried he tried to comfort me. I put on a happy face for him because he says he can't ever sleep if he knows I'm upset. So i put on a fake happy face and changed the subject.
"You promise you're okay?" he asked.
"I'll be fine."
As we said our goodbyes and hung up the phone , reality set in and I began to cry again. I won't tell him because I know he'll worry about me the whole time he's gone. I might tell him after, or I might not. We'll see.
I'm sure I can live a few hours without him... but it'll be hard. I've never spent a Sunday morning without him. We always sit upstairs while I drink my coffee and we talk while we watch my brother and our friend Devin play pool. I'll miss him, but he'll be back soon. I just need to be slapped. I'll be fine. I think...
Anyway, see how emotional I've been lately? It scares me. I'm sure it's just a phase or something but I figured I'd blog about it just so I could have somewhere to vent about it.
I'll be fine...
Peace, love, and coffee.
*Hales
